Sarah Silverman Reveals Her Absolutely Insane Bedtime Routine on ‘Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney’

Zero out of 10 dentists recommend following Sarah Silverman’s bedtime routine.

Tonight’s installment of Richard Kind revealed that he once took a nap in the bathroom during a date.

But of all the bizarre and unhealthy sleep routines featured on tonight’s Everybody’s Live, stand-up legend Sarah Silverman had by far the most inadvisable and inimitable strategy for falling asleep every night. As she explained to the , Silverman starts her wind-down by flossing her teeth, then she smokes weed, brushes her teeth and plays word games with her partner Rory Albanese until she nods off.

How hard is Silverman flossing that she needs a smoke break before moving on to the brush?

When Mulaney asked his guest if she sleeps well, Silverman reported that she has an irregular sleep cycle — I wonder why. “I love sleep, and I sleep, but I sleep, like, maybe two hours, and then I get up a little, and then I sleep another two hours and then get up a little,” Silverman said of her sleep problems before revealing her insane sleep solution.

After the Everybody's Live host asked Silverman if she has a set routine before bed, Silverman happily replied, “I sure do! You wanna hear it?” After getting the green light from Mulaney, Silverman walked him through her sleep preparations, saying, “Well, I wash my face, and I use, obviously, many serums and oils and creams, and, um, then I floss my teeth, and, I’ll be honest, I do it in front of one of those big magnifying mirrors. I wanna see everything come out.”

“And then, forgive me John,” Silverman said of her nighttime routine’s pièce de résistance. “And then, I take a little puffaroo, and then I brush my teeth.” 

When asked why smoking marijuana bisects her dental hygiene duties, Silverman half-answered, “Because I floss, and then I don’t wanna brush my teeth and then get high, because, you know, that’s not good for your breath, that’s disgusting smoke.”

“I can floss while high, but then I do it for about 20 minutes,” Silverman explained of why smoking weed isn’t step #1.

Then, once Silverman is stoned and minty fresh, she hops into bed with Albanese and the couple engage in a little New York Times games app-esque linguistic competition. “My lover and I will, when we’re ready to sleep … we each say a letter and then we have to come up with people’s initials are those two letters. Like, I’ll say ‘K’ and he says ‘P,’ and then you try to think of people with the initials KP,” Silverman explained of her sleep game.

Silverman said that Albanese always beats her at this word challenge (I wonder why), and she urged both the Everybody's Live and the fans at home to try her reliable sleep strategy, promising that insomniacs will see results if they follow her instructions. You just have to be prepared to wake up every few hours for some more “teeth cleaning.”