‘SNL’s Father Guido Sarducci Returns With Shocking Predictions About Next Pope
After retreating from the public eye for nearly 15 years, Father Guido Sarducci appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night to share his insights on the election of the new Pope. As the senior gossip columnist for the Vatican newspaper, a one-time Saturday Night Live regular and the alter ego of comedian/writer Don Novello, Sarducci is uniquely positioned to comment on the conclave happening in Rome to anoint a successor to Pope Francis.
Colbert reviewed some of the favorites for the job, such as Pierbattista Pizzaballa and Luis Antonio Tagle. But Sarducci says it’s anybody’s ball game at this point. “There’s a number of frontrunners, but anyone could get it,” he offered.
As proof, Sarducci pointed to a controversial conclave in the 1750s. “For months, they would have 90 ballots. These guys just want to go home, but they can’t pick anybody,” he explained. “And they are all eating this minestrone soup. This fly comes, buzzes all around the room. Everybody’s looking, and then he lands in this cardinal’s soup. They think it’s a miracle, he’s chosen to be Pope.”
Don't Miss
Unconventional to be sure, but the Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways. The cardinals all ed in for a Latin version of “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow,” and that was that.
Of course, the event had consequences, Sarducci noted. At the next conclave, one cardinal snuck in his own fly to smuggle into the soup.
Despite his conviction that anyone could get the Pope gig, the good Father did have a prediction about who would emerge victorious once the white smoke billows from the Sistine Chapel. “I think it’s fixed,” he revealed. “Benedict XVI is going to be the Pope again. That’s my prediction.”
There’s one problem with that prognostication, Colbert argued. Benedict XVI is dead.
“That's what you think,” corrected Father Sarducci. “It’s a rumor. It’s like Elvis. He’s not gone away.”
Colbert objected again — he saw the funeral!
Ah, but no one has seen Benedict since the funeral, Sarducci retorted. He’s coming back, taking the papal name of Benedict XVI the Second.
Colbert wondered if viewers could understand the Pope election process better by watching the movie Conclave. Sarducci didn’t comment on the film’s accuracy, but itted he was bored by the story. If Conclave had been animated, Sonic the Hedgehog-style, it could have been shorter and more entertaining.
Colbert thanked Sarducci for his Vatican insights, wondering why someone with Sarducci’s tenure in the Catholic Church wouldn’t have at least made monsignor by now.
“I don't know, they keep screwing me over,” Sarducci lamented after being assured repeatedly that he’d be in the next group promoted. But it turns out a new obstacle was keeping him out: “Then they say you can't have a tattoo.”
