37 Dubiously Legal Facts About Crime and Criminals

There’s something about these we just don’t trust
37 Dubiously Legal Facts About Crime and Criminals

These are true, okay? Our investigators did some serious digging and their stories totally check out. For some reason, they all feel a little sleazy though. Like there’s more they’re not telling us. We can’t quite put our finger on why, but like any good detective, we have to trust our guts on this one.

Check out these crime-based tidbits, and see if you think there’s more to the story. We’ll dig a little deeper and tell our wives we won’t be home for dinner (again).

The FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago

Fox News aired a bizarre, Photoshopped image of the judge that green-lit the Mar-a-Lago FBI raid. CRACKED COM Incensed that anyone would dare try to hold Donald Trump able for such a small crime as High Trea- son, Fox photoshopped Judge Bruce Reinhart onto Jeffy Epstein's body aboard a private plane.

Ham Theft

A man stole thousands of hams from work to sell for profit. GRAGKED.COM The piggy profiteer de- frauded his employers out of $530,000 by reselling the hams, stolen from the curing warehouse he had worked over the course of six years.

A Low-Speed Excavator Police Chase

An Oregon man led police on a low-speed chase in a slow moving excavator. MAC CRACKED.COM The officers followed Jesse В. Shaw, who had three ar- rest warrants and was wanted for stealing a car, on foot as his construction vehicle slowly lumbered through a narrow dirt road.

The In-Court Suicide

A convicted pedophile chugged a mystery liquid at trial and died. CRACKED.COM Edward Leclair took a long drink from a water bottle of a cloudy liquid while being handed a guilty verdict for child sex- ual assault, and later died vomitting in his holding cell. Neat!

Papa Smurf’s Felony Conviction

NJ finally locks up Papa Smurf on weapons possession. GRACKED.COM 38-year-old Anthony D. Parker, a.k.a. Papa Smurf, was convicted on one count of being a fel- on in possession of a weapon and sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Gay Marriage in Oklahoma

Gay Native American couple manages to wed in Oklahoma CRACKED.COM Oklahoma isn't exactly a liberal bastion, and same-sex marriage was still illegal in 2013. But Darren Black Bear and Jason Pickel noticed that they could be wedded by the Cheyenne-Arapaho Tribe, which simply didn't specify gender in its federally recognized marriage laws.

Commuting in An Armed Tank

You can, technically, commute to work in an armed tank CRACKED.COM A British man realized he could take his kids to school in his friggin' tank, if he just modified the treads to prevent road damage. In the US, one merely has to buy a $200 Destructive Device Permit to keep one's guns mounted on one's hog.

A Totally Different Kind of Gay Adoption

Not allowed to marry? Try adoption instead! m SHO WNYC Of GRACKED.COM Civil rights leader Bayard Rustin and his boyfriend were just one of many couples who opted to adopt one another when their love was deemed legally icky. It was a great way to get much-deserved legal and financial protections, but it was also a big gamble, as adoption is much more permanent than marriage.

Colorado’s Make My Day Law

A Colorado inmate discovered legal shanking CRACKED.COM Colorado has a very cool law, probably named by a very cool and well-adjusted person, called the Make My Day law. Any degree of physical force is allowable against someone who breaks into your dwelling -- which now legally includes prison cells.

How Grape Juice Companies Circumvented Prohibition

Grape juice companies explained how NOT to make wine legal in your home GRAGKED.COM To circumvent alcohol prohibition in the 20th century, some companies would sell concentrated grape bricks with detailed instructions on how you definitely should NOT use their product to make wine.

The Toronto Mancave/Underground Lair

Ain't no law says a man can't dig a ditch CRACKED.COM An intricate underground lair was discovered at a Toronto park, and two 20-somethings were found to have dug themselves a literal mancave. Local police wanted to bust them, but ultimately conceded there's no crime against digging a hole.

The Church of Cannabis

The Church of Cannabis CRACKED.COM Founder Bill Levin used the same Indianna laws that allowed for all manner of discrimination against same-sex couples, to legally choof some dank. His claim is that, legally, weed is an essential part of their religious practices, and thus free from government interference.

One Minnesota Bar’s Indoor Smoking Loophole

A bar declared its patrons actors EN CRACKED.COM Minnestoa's Barnacles Bar discovered that, if you were an actor in a play, and your character smoked... well, the statewide smoking ban wasn't going to get in the way of your art. The owners declared they were simply staging a permanent, improvised play.

Cruel Landlords

This just in: landlords are needlessly cruel! CRACKED.COM A San Francisco landlord converted a room into a storage unit, presumably by moving a single empty box into the foyer. An occupied room on the top floor was then, technically, no longer rent-controlled, and the rent was jacked up 400%.

The Burglar Who Didn’t Flush the Toilet

A burglar was caught because he didn't flush the toilet. Andrew Jensen didn't get caught with his pants down, but he came awfully close. Jensen broke into a home in Thousand Oaks, CA, but he didn't just take the owner's belongings - he left something behind to fill the void ... poop. It was poop. Police found an unflushed toilet containing what unflushed toilets usually do, and were able to trace the sample back to Jensen, who was then arrested on $700,000 bail. CRACKED.COM

The Photos That Left A Paper Trail

Photos left a paper trail. 2 RUSH - TIME GOVERNOR KIMERT XIX 12 CH When three thieves handed a store clerk a photo of her own home to let her know this was indeed a stickup and not some bad indie movie, they had no idea they were simultaneously turning themselves over to the police. Investigators used the code on the back of the photo to trace it back to where it was printed. From there they checked out the phone records of recent customers, and were able to nab their stalkery crooks. CRACKED.COM

The Grim Sleeper

A serial killer was caught thanks to his love of pizza (and old-fashioned spy work). Los Angeles police came up with a unique plan to catch the elusive Grim Sleeper serial killer. The suspected killer's son had gotten into hot water over a weapons charge - causing the DNA database to reveal a sequence incredibly similar to the suspected Sleeper. An undercover officer pretended to be a pizza place waiter in order to retrieve DNA samples from items touched by the suspect during a fast-casual lunch. The samples were then compared to the killer's son's DNA to create a match. CRACKED.COM

Smart Water and Crime Scenes

Smart water meters indicated the cleaning up of a crime scene. A ISUS AT ANOP Smart water meters can relay all kinds of fascinating data from monthly, daily, and even specific spot reading water activity for the household in question. Bentonville police used that to their advantage when accused murderer James Bates used an unusually high amount of water during the time period immediately following the death of an acquaintance. CRACKED.COM

The Tree DNA That Caught A Murderer

(Tree) DNA caught a murderer. Yep. Trees. When a woman turned up strangled in Arizona with literally zero traces of anything useful to investigators on her body-police turned to something they could identify ... tree DNA. A tree branch at the murder scene had been scraped up, indicating an encounter with a moving vehicle. Beans from the tree were later found in the killer's truck which were then matched to a genetic database of tree DNA to prove they came from the same tree. CRACKED.COM

The Photo of A Fingerprint That Nabbed A Child Molester

A photo of a fingerprint nabbed a child molester. Danish police officers brought in a sex offender on child pornography charges they wanted to get the guy who took the photos, too. Investigators pored over the offender's laptop until they discovered photos of a man's hand and a prescription bottle. They zoomed in and enhanced the blurry digital photos until they were able to obtain parts of the photographer's name and prescription order number oh, and his freaking fingerprints. Case closed. CRACKED.COM

Dead Bugs That Ruined the Perfect Crime

Dead bugs ruined the perfect crime. 23 UCD In 2003, human garbage Vincent Brothers flew to Ohio to visit his brother, then immediately rented a car and drove right back to California. The Ohio trip was really an alibi for mass murder. Brothers stabbed and shot his wife, his mother-in-law, and his three children, one of whom was only six weeks old. Не had an alibi, but he also had ... bugs. Four different insects-each a western USA native - were found smushed on Brothers' windshield, proving his rental car had been in California at the time. CRACKED.COM

Glitter As A Fingerprint

Glitter is just as good as a fingerprint (or better). Alaska officers arrested Michael Alexander on kidnapping and murder charges based on the unique patterns of glitter. According to the official report, Alexander's wife provided investigators with samples of glitter from her home that the victim had previously used. When the glitter patterns matched those of the glitter on the victim's body and on glitter remnants in Alexander's car trunk, his guilty conviction was a total lock. CRACKED.COM

The Not-So-Snow-Filled Marijuana Raids

Mary Jane didn't leave tracks in the snow. Netherlands police were sure there was a marijuana operation going on in the town of Haarlem- they just had to figure out where the drug ring was located. This brilliant hack didn't require high-tech devices or secretive spy work-officers simply drove around town looking for rooftops without snow. It turns out, the heat lamps required to grow weed prevented snow from settling on the roof of the growers' headquarters, making their base of operations painfully obvious. CRACKED.COM

The Pacemaker That Gave Away An Arsonist

Pacemaker data busted an arsonist. 59-year-old Ross Compton swore he didn't start the fire that caused $400,000 worth of damages to his house. But he did and his robo-heart proved it. Data from Compton's pacemaker contradicted his cockamamie claims of haphazardly packing a suitcase and climbing out a window in fear for his life upon seeing his home ablaze. Compton's heart didn't make a blip, proving he was cool as a cucumber at the time in question. The result was arson and insurance fraud charges. CRACKED.COM

Pokemon GO As Criminal Tell

Police gotta catch 'em all (and SO do the bad guys). PoKéMoN GO Everyone got caught up in the Pokemon Go craze, local criminals included. This led three different police departments around America to the ever-loving heck out of their super awesome gym status. , Niantic made sure gyms were safe public spaces. While the gyms were totally real, a couple departments stretched the truth a wee bit, boasting about super rare Pokemon showing up in their stations on their social media pages. The ruse worked, and multiple petty crooks were nabbed thanks to their Pikachu addiction. CRACKED.COM

The Fitbit That Spelled Murder

A man was charged with murder based on his wife's Fitbit. A masked man broke into Richard Dabate's home, tied him up, and tortured him. When Dabate's wife came home and interrupted the mini-Saw reenactment, the intruder shot and killed her. Except none of that happened at all. Police were able to use logs from Connie Dabate's Fitbit to prove that she did not come home when her husband claimed she did. Dabate's story quickly fell apart and he was charged with murder. CRACKED.COM

John D. Rockefeller’s Violent Strike-Busting

GRACKED.COM In 1914, workers of the Colorado Fuel and Iron Company in Ludlow, со decided to call a strike until their demands for better pay and safer working conditions were met. The company instead sent armed militia to break it up with machine guns and arson; 19 people including women and children were killed. The perpetrators of the massacre were never brought to justice, maybe because the mine was owned by John D Rockefeller.

Shaun Goodman

In May 2014 Washington state businessman Shaun Goodman was arrested on his 7th DUI charge after crashing his Ferrari into two cars and a house Не was spared a mandatory jail term as the judge deemed incarcerating him would adversely affect his business, putting his employees out of a job. CRACKED.COM

Trump’s Bankruptcies

Donald Trump has filed for bankruptcy with four of his companies, not having to pay millions of dollars in debt. /4 But U.S. law does not allow most students to discharge their debt on their student loans. SY SCOISSOSA 100 CRACKED COM

The Knife-Stealing Crow

A crow once stole evidence from a crime scene. Canuck the Crow went after cutlery, this time after the knife was dropped by an armed assailant that was arrested by police. CRACKED.COM

CBC 

Veterans Stadium’s Courtroom and Jail

There's a sports stadium that had its own courtroom and jail. د B 7 58 98 CRACKED.COM Veterans Stadium, former home of the Philadelphia Eagles, installed a courtroom and jail cells for processing rowdy fans in 1998.

Source: USA Today

The Insanity Defense

MYTH8 Want to get away with murder? Plead insanity. FAST8 That's not a Get Out of Jail Free card. The Insanity Defense is attempted in less than one p

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